It's a daily decision

It's been a while!

2006-11-03T18:21:00.000-06:00

As I sit down to write, I really have NO idea what I'm going to say. Does anyone check this anymore?? Haha. Anyway, let's see.......

The things I have been learning this semester so far are:

Forgiveness- while learning how to accept His forgiveness, He is giving me hands on experiences by showing me how to forgive others
Grace- how unbelievable undeserving I am of this, but how willingly He freely gives it
Patience- even when it is so hard, waiting on Him and His timing is far better than trying to do it myself, it's gonna be worth it
Trust- He is a provider!!!!! He loves to take care of His children!

On a much more serious note......due to lack of funds, I ate entire box of macaroni and cheese myself last night for dinner. Mmmmm.....

Love

2006-07-22T11:59:00.000-05:00

Love is the fabric that enfolds the body and provides warmth and comfort. This blanket of love protects against the coldness of the world and insulates from the blustery winds of hate. Its fabric is soft yet strong, and there is great beauty in its many colors and intricate patterns. It is meant to be shared, for in the sharing it covers sin and envelops all who want to know the blessings that it alone can give.
This covering of love is large enough to include all who desire its consolation yet small enough to accommodate each one personally and abundantly. To be enfolded in this blanket is to experience acceptance and healing. It neither binds not constricts, and amazingly permits those encompassed within its folds to move in freedom.
This blanket of love cannot be bought, but it is freely bestowed by the heavenly Weaver and its durability has stood the test of the ages. It is the one and only blanket that is needed for life. Without it the soul will grow cold and hard, and all that is accomplished will ultimately profit nothing. With it the soul will experience the intensity and tenderness of God's love and will ultimately be filled with the fullness of God. This love is the greatest of all virtues: it is transfomring, it is powerful, and it never fails.

-- by Cynthia Heald in "Becoming a Woman Who Loves"

Battle Wounds

2006-05-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

Well, as many of you know, this Saturday several of us played softball at Rotary Park. I was placed in right field, which seems to have become my position due to the lack of action. This night, however, was different. VERY different. On the second play of the game, a foul ball was hit and I decided to be a hero (as Kels would put it) and try to catch the ball. So, I'm running as hard as I can (which isn't very hard), keeping my eye on the ball (which is the first rule of baseball.....or something), when all of a sudden, a pole got in my way! I ran smack into that thing, full force, bounced back about three feet, falling to the ground. Talk about humiliating. People were asking me which part hit first, but honestly, I think it was full body contact. I have a large scratch and about five bruises in a line along my left thigh, a HUGE bruise on my left upper arm, and my teeth.....well, my teeth luckily were NOT knocked out, however, some of the paint from the pole is now engrained on there and I don't know how to get it off! If you have any ideas, please let me know!! Here is a picture of my bruise, I tried to get one of my teeth, but it wouldn't turn out very well. Guess you'll just have to see my grill in person!

A Googled Song

2006-04-29T12:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, I actually felt quite a bit of pressure trying to find song lyrics for Ryan. Funny? Serious? Random? What to choose? So I just decided to google funny songs, and found this. Since the meaning behind songs has also been requested, please feel free to comment about how this song makes you feel. For me, it made me feel.....slightly disturbed. ENJOY! (personally verse 2 is my favorite!)

State Fair Woman
by Larry Weaver

I was walking by myself all around the state fair
Smells of cotton candy and corn dogs drifted through the air
I was just looking for fun, not looking for romance
But I saw a fine young lady and I had to take a chance

She worked there at that booth where they try and guess your weight.
So I reached down for my wallet and stepped on up to the plate
One sixty was her guess and she was mighty near.
If I hadn’t eaten those turkey legs, and that elephant ear

She yelled, “We got a winner, now come pick your prize”
But I’d found just what I wanted when I gazed into her eyes
The moonlight reflected off the gold in her front tooth
And guided me to love right by that polish sausage booth.

She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny queen
She had one lazy eye, but most all of her teeth.
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny girl
She took me for a ride on that love Tilt a Whirl.

She wore snakeskin cowboy boots and a denim mini-skirt
With cigarettes rolled in the sleeve of her Dixie Chicks t-shirt
She stood about 5 foot three, or six feet if you count her bangs
We started walking round the fair and saw some crazy thangs:

A tiny horse, a giant pig, man this was one wild date.
A huge Taco Bell dog and a Travis Tritt license plate
As we strolled down the midway my heart was filled with pride
Bought a big ol’ roll of tickets, just hoping for a ride

She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny queen
She had one lazy eye, but most all of her teeth.
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny girl
She took me for a ride on that love Tilt a Whirl.

I asked if she would be my wife
She said “How can I leave this carny life?
You see, the bearded lady is my mother.
And the strongman is my daddy and my brother.”

She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny queen
She had one lazy eye, but most all of her teeth.
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny girl
She took me for a ride on that love Tilt a Whirl.

Being Tall

2006-04-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

At the request of Amy Van Dyck, I am going to post about what it's like to be tall.

At the height of 5'8" (fluctuating about a half an inch from time to time), I have been taller than most for much of my life. I remember at one point my freshmen year of college, I was with a group of girlfriends, and as we got on the elevator I realized that I was an entire head taller than every single one of them.

Positives for being tall:
1) being able to reach high places, it makes me feel useful
2) being able to see over people in a large crowd
3) being asked if I play basketball, makes me feel athletic
4) being the same height as the typical Miss America

Negatives for being tall:
1) not being able to wear heels
2) always being put in the back in pictures
3) seeming like you wear scandalously short shorts, but in reality, they are no shorter on me than say, my sisters, they just look shorter because my legs are twice as long as theirs
4) being that person that blocks the view of the guy/girl behind you

Those are some of the pros and cons. All in all, it's a wonderful experience being tall. It's not going to change or anything, so I guess I'll just have to accept it. And as far as the bridesmaids dresses go, Amy, you'd better believe I'm wearing heels with that dress!! I don't care if I'm a foot taller than every guy there! Ha, it's gonna be awesome! I just hope I can wear them, I'm a little out of practice.....

An update

2006-04-26T01:30:00.000-05:00

Every day I try to think of something fun to blog about, and either there isn't anything exciting that happens in my day worthy of being blogged about, or something does happen, I just can't remember what it is by the time I get to computer, which is HIGHLY likely. So, if any of you would like to give me a topic to post about, maybe I can run with that for a little while. But for now, I leave you with this random post obout nothingness! And it's back to my 2 page paper which has now taken me......an hour to write, and counting!

Praise You in this Storm - Casting Crowns

2006-04-08T12:39:00.004-05:00

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say

and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear

You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the Dad

Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the Dad

Who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Dad

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Who I am Hates Who I've Been -- Relient K

2006-04-05T21:13:00.000-05:00

I watched the proverbial sunrise

coming up over the Pacific and

you might think I'm losing my mind,

but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am

'cause then you'll see my heart

in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there.

That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said

that it's the very moment thatI wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to try and never become that way again

'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.

Couldn't keep to myself enough.

And the things bottled inside have finally begun

to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps

Sinking up to the beating of my heart,

and I was positive that unless I got myself together,

I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again

'cause then you'll see my heart

in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been

and who I am will take the second chance you gave me.

Who I am hates who I've been

'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.

So sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to try and never become that way again

'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

I Believe in You by Bethany Dillon

2006-04-04T07:54:00.000-05:00

When there's nothing to believe in, I believe in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

Whilst writing my paper

2006-03-21T23:01:00.000-06:00

Felicia and I have a paper due in less than 12 hours. I have one paragraph written, she has two sentences. Anyway, we found this amazing website to distract us! (which is why our papers are currently so short)

http://www.killsometime.com/games/Game.asp?ID=404

My best time so far is 3.915. Can you beat that??

Well, back to the paper.....

Behind the Times

2006-03-21T19:05:00.000-06:00

So apparently I'm a little behind the times because I just discovered Jack Johnson yesterday. I found a random CD at the preschool along with my Veggie Tales and Dance, Baby, Dance CDs, and he is awesome!! This is my favorite so far.....

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing but I can try for your heart
And our dreams and they are made out of real things

Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it’s so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together

It’s always better when we’re together
We’ll look at the stars when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together

And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they’ll be gone too, too many things I have to do

But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be we’ll sit beneath the mango tree now

It’s always better when we’re together
We’re somewhere in between together
Well it’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together

I believe in memories they look so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We’re better together
-- "Better Together" by Jack Johnson

9 hours and counting....

2006-03-19T23:45:00.000-06:00

Well there are only 9 hours left of Spring Break, sadly enough. My New Spring Break's resolution is to update more often! (and like any New Year's resolution, we'll see how long that lasts)

Glorieta was incredible. It's interesting to see how each year is different from the previous. I was able to get some amazing fellowship with some girls that I don't usually get to and go to bed by 11 every night. Those are two things that definitely didn't happen in the previous years. And Dad really protected my heart and helped me to focus on the things I really needed to focus on. I'm not going to say it was an easy week, I definitely have some things to chew and pray over, but who wants it to be easy anyway??

Anyway, seeing as I'm about to have to swing back into reality in just a few short hours, this shall be the end for now.

GLO '06 HERE WE COME!

2006-03-10T23:57:00.000-06:00

As I am hours (well.....an entire day actually) from leaving for Glorieta, I am feeling a bit.....down. I think I'm a little anxious to get there and be refreshed. There are a lot of things I have been asking Dad for direction on and hope to maybe get either some answers or at least a renewed spirit to keep waiting and trusting Him in His perfect timing. I have been reminded a lot lately of His grace and wish I could fully understand it. But I can embrace it as truth in my life and worship and praise Him for His faithfulness to me!

Until next week!!

Daily Bumblings

2006-03-08T22:05:00.000-06:00

I've decided to take time out of the schedule I made for myself on Monday to update my blog. Usually I previously have a pretty good idea about what I am going to post about, but tonight, tonight I will be as surprised as you to see what shall come of this unplanned event.

Veggie Tales..... Veggie Tales brings me joy beyond belief. My sister had a talking stuffed Larry that she got from her "dating" friend, that I probably could have played with for hours.

Homestarrunner..... was anybody else into that as much as I was? Whatever happened to that amazingly comedic genius of a website?? Probably I should check it out....

Apartment Hunting..... This is a new task at hand. Luckily I have two awesome roomies to brave this adventure with. Currently we're narrowed down to two. Pool or no pool??

Spring Break..... Glorieta is just around the corner and I can hardly wait! If I were any more ancy, I think I wouldn't be able to finish my

Youth Group..... after revisiting a youth group this past weekend, I am much reminded that Dad has such grace on us!!! The drama was incredible.

Cow tongues..... yes, in case you haven't heard, I put a cow tongue in my mouth this weekend and flung it across the room. I could definitely feel its taste buds. Oh sick....

Bubbles..... if I can be incredibly honest, I selfishly play with bubbles at work for an extra long time, even when the kids have moved on, because I love them that much.

I could probably keep going but that's enough for now.

Finally some direction!!

2006-02-21T22:55:00.000-06:00

Your Scholastic Strength Is Inspiring Others

You are great at developing a vision, and getting others to adopt your way of thinking.

You are talented at leading, balancing tasks, and helping people work together.

You should major in:
Counseling, Environmental studies, Law, Social work, Political science, Nursing

What Should You Major In?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoumajorinquiz/

All this time I've been wondering what to do with my life, and here it is, plain and simple. Thanks Blogthings!

Once again....

2006-02-18T13:39:00.000-06:00

PINKEYE - An acute, very contagious form of conjunctivitis, caused by the hemophilic bacterium Hemophilus aegyptius and characterized by inflammation of the eyelids and eyeballs.

I woke up this morning to discover that an old familiar....."friend".....had once again come for a visit. This should be a fun round considering I can't wear contacts and my glasses are broken from the last time I had pinkeye. AND I have two tests on Monday, which I will be blindly studying for the next day and a half. If you see me and I'm squinting at you and making a weird face, don't worry I'm not upset with you, I just don't know who you are.

Who the heck is Sapphira?

2006-02-06T00:40:00.000-06:00

Raise your hand if you've heard of Sapphira. I think I might have read through her story before but didn't pay much attention. Until tonight.

Ananias and Sapphira got a little extra cash for their property. So they kept a part of it for themselves and then offered the rest (hoping to convince Peter that what they were offering was the entirity of what they had received for the property). See, they didn't want to seem selfish to those around them, so they tried to hide that by being, what seemed, extra generous. Not telling a lie, but not telling the truth either.

Sapphira was presented with two opportunites to do the right thing. First, with her husband, Ananias. Instead of being angry with him and trying to convince him to do the right thing, she checked her brain at the door and didn't stand up for what she knew was right. And because of that, when Ananias went before Peter, he lied to Peter, and therefore....dropped dead. The second time was when she went before Peter. Now here, the pressure was twice as thick as before. Sapphira thought Ananias was still alive, so she had a choice: lie to Peter so as to not have to deal with him OR Ananias, or, stand up for what she knew was right. She chose the first, because she thought she was protecting Ananias, and also didn't want to have to deal with the "consequences" of telling the truth. And because of that, she also dropped dead.

Sapphira was anything but confident. She was incredibly passive and didn't even try to defend herself or what she knew was right. And that is something that I learned about myself this weekend. I am a very passive person and don't make decisions in light of what I know to be true or right. I don't think I'm a people pleaser but I DO do everything everyone else is telling me to do without really processing what it is I really feel is the right thing. I want to make decisions in light of who I know Dad to be in my life. Because, HE sees everything. He saw Ananias and Sapphira making their decisions even before they went before Peter. And He sees me, in every aspect, and the decisions I make, or don't make. What kind of a reflection of Dad am I?

Good Tears

2006-02-02T10:21:00.000-06:00

I received an email from a friend this morning, and started my day off with a good cry. But it was a good cry this time! He is so encouraging and I am so thankful for the people that He has put in my life. There isn't a day goes by that He doesn't love me through them. And this morning it was through a very special friend. This is what they wrote that made me cry:

I first thought that was the usual sparkle in her eye,
but I realize now that was the leftover of a cry.
What can bring such sorrow to someone who brings so much joy?
To fight against the sadness, I will willingly deploy.

Will she accept my help and comfort since I'm not well known?
For even silently, when she grieves, she is not alone.
Not only is Dad with her always, but my love remains.
May my prayers of love be like Dad's love, which truly sustains.

I don't know what I would say or what I could even do.
I'll pray for comfort, healing, and peace to erase the blue.
I hope that she knows that the summer was only the start.
My friendship is forever, as she is always in my heart.

Man! I need to encourage people like that!! For all of you that I am so bad about encouraging, please know that I love you and I am so thankful that you are in my life!!!!!!!

Pictures!

2006-01-10T23:51:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I had said that I was going to put pictures with my Top 12 List, and decided to go ahead and just make a Top 9 Picture List. Some of these pictures go along with the Top 12 List. Enjoy!

9. (because it won't let me put a tenth one on here) This was a sign. Does anyone else get it? Or think its funny?

8. I asked to take my dad's picture, this is what he does. Our food came in those fun little Mickey Mouse plates! What a character.

7. This is my cousin Jon, he wants to be a rockstar. Anyway.....we did white elephant this year for Christmas, and when his original gift, a welcome mat that said Merry Christmas on it, was stolen, this is what he got stuck with. He got creative.

6. I just love this picture. This is my grandpa when he was young and in the Air Force. How handsome!!

5. Um, yes, that says Magic Kingdom! I just took off my bracelet the other day, my mom forced me. I still have it though!

4. My family, the thieves. Here they are stealing oranges. Shame, shame.

3. Here are me and my sisters at Disney World. Yes we have the same parents, but can I jsut say that I love my sisters SOOOOO much!!!

2. Here we are walking into Disney World, it was early in the morning and still so chipper! I was soon to come to be in control of the map. Heh heh....

1. This is a picture of the sunrise I watched on Miami beach. This picture doesn't even come close to doing that experience justice, but hopefully, you can experience it one day too!

Shopping

2006-01-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

After my mom noticed and made a comment about the pair of jeans I own that has 8 holes in them, it was decided that I needed a new pair of jeans. So today we started off on the dreaded adventure of jeans shopping. **DISCLAIMER- I HATE shopping. For several reasons, if you'd like to hear them, just ask.** We went to the new Goody's in Ponca and found a large selection of jeans. I proceeded to grab one of each brand, and to my dismay, none of them fit. So my mother, oh wonderful mother that she is, suggests that I try on a pair of jeans from the Women's Department. She brought me a few pair, and today, an event occurred that should be marked in history and one that I am trying very hard to forget, I tried on my first pair......of mom jeans. It was horrible. Scarring. Thank the Lord they did not even come CLOSE to looking good, or I should never be able to wear jeans again. I hope and pray that it is a day far in the future that I will ever buy a pair of mom jeans. The End.

Today's Lesson is sponsored by the Letter "Q"

2006-01-07T17:35:00.000-06:00

My dad said that at the dinner table last night, and I really just wanted to use it. It has nothing to do with what I am going to post about.

WOW. What a week! Three words to describe Life Impact (if you can really narrow it down to that): challenging, convicting, and encouraging. Isn't amazing how, when Dad is picking at your heart showing you things that aren't pretty, He always follows it up with encouragement?!
I was trying to decide on which part I was going to post about today and I decided on the workshop that I went to by Jerry and Marilyn Fine, called Living by the Promises of Dad, because it really applied to things I was dealing with. I just bawled through the entire thing. They are filled by Dad speaks to them directly about decisions! Here are a few main pointers:
- Be sure you don't take a promise, but you receive it as a gift. He will give it to you in His timing.
- If Dad has a plan for you life then He certainly has a path for you to walk on. Be patient.
- Every experience in life should bring us to trust Him more. He IS trustworthy.
- And just something Jerry said, "I'm listening, You whisper."
So here I was just totally challenged in the way that I read. And I start processing through things. I realized that this semester I have been afraid to make decision for fear of making the wrong one. What little faith!! I want to walk in assurance and confidence!! His promises can be found, and are applicable to everything that we are dealing with.
Well, today I was really dealing with shame and truly living in Dad's forgiveness. So I yarped specifically for a promise and wouldn't you know it?! He gave me one! (I would try to make a smiley face on here but there isn't one that could accurately describe how big my smile is)

Exciting news!

2005-12-30T00:17:00.000-06:00

I just really wanted to share, as some of you may know about my not so wonderful past and the mistakes I've made involving school. Well, this semester went REALLY well. I got the highest GPA I've had since being in college, and I feel like I actually accomplished something. And despite some problems getting enrolled for next semester with the education department, I'm finally on my way!! Just a few more semesters left, and I can be done, and hopefully they will look like or better than this semester. Anyway, Dad has REALLY taught me a lot this semester using the area of school. Just living a life of excellence, allowing Him to be the Dad of EVERY part of my life so that He may get all the glory. And honestly just taking responsibility and growing up. And finding ways where I can praise Him when I succeed. And thanking Him for breaking me and molding me so that I would be ready when I got a second chance! He is so good!!! Anyway.....yay!

BOOMER!!!!!

2005-12-30T00:04:00.000-06:00

Boy I'm glad that game is over!!! That was a little too nerve-racking for me. I was still shaking 15 minutes after it had ended. Anyway, this got a little tense around here, and....not so pretty either. But it was a lot of fun!! Especially making fun of the other team....

Comments made....(who said them shall remain anonymous)
- "FIGHT THE FAT!"
- "Don't worry, in just a little bit, the blubber factor is going to kick in."
- "Tubby can't get up!"
- "I mean, who is gonna want to marry these guys?"

Football watch parties with my family are....interesting to say the least. Beware if you should ever dare to get involved. Tomorrow is White Elephant exchange and lounging around in OKC, then we're going to watch the Men's basketball team on Saturday, which could be scary. I don't know if we're ready for the public yet. Then it's on to 2006!

Sorry!

2005-12-24T22:19:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to apologize for the ridiculous length of that post. I won't be offended if you don't read all of it. See you soon!

Top 12 List

2005-12-24T21:39:00.000-06:00

Well, I thought I would give you a quick rundown of what my trip to Florida has been like in the form of a top 10, or in this case 12, list. So here goes....

12. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph"- Whilst driving down to Miami, there was a guy on a motorcycle going down the highway on his back wheel. It was the longest wheelie I've ever seen. And probably at the fastest speed. My grandmother proceeded to say in a very worried tone "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph" as she often does when something causes her stress (like my dad's driving).
11. "Photo Shoot" - Our one Christmas present this year was a digital camera for each of us. So this led to NON-STOP picture taking (especially by Mary). And also led to a small photo shoot in the back of our van (pictures to come).
10. "Hooker" - My grandmother is not very technologically savvy, so she needed my dad to hook up her DVD player. Unfortunately she couldn't think of the right word to say she needed him to hook it up and instead said, "Cleve I need you to get me a hooker....." This led to MANY jokes for about the next 30 minutes. At the dinner table.
9. "Freeze Tag" - We went to visit my cousins, Jake and Zach, in Miami, and let me just tell you, I haven't played tag in about 10 years. And it showed. Plus I was REALLY afraid of falling in the pool.
8. "Who's in Charge?" - Guys, I just need to let you in on a little secret. Just let your ladies direct you. They really know where they are going (most of the time). Everywhere we went, my dad would be driving and we'd hear (from my mother) "LEFT" "RIGHT" etc. He eventually just gave in. She got us where we needed to go.
7. "'Happy' Clothing" - I regret ever introducing this to my family. If someone is grumpy or upset, or even just quiet, a new tradition has begun. Asking if we have our happy pants on. Which can lead to unnecessary details being shared, like my dad's response...."I don't know about happy pants, but I sure do have on the same pants that I did yesterday and the day before that." Ew.
6. "DISNEY WORLD" - 'Nuf said. No seriously, it was a challenge figuring out the appropriate place for this one on my list. IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! This is already going to be a long post, so I won't put much, but if you want to hear about it, just let me know. I saw the most incredible fireworks show of my life, and Tinkerbell flew once more. *sigh* It was great.
5. "Orange thiefs" - As I'm sure all of you are aware, Florida is known for its oranges. Everywhere you turn there are orange groves. And everytime we drove by one, my dad would say "I'd really like to just stop off and get me an orange." So one time, on the way to my grandpa's house, we made a little stop. Little did we know there is a $1000 fine for picking oranges.....whoops.
4. "ZZZZZZ" - Yup, that's right, I caught up on some serious sleep. Basically anytime I was in the van, I was asleep. It was like there was something in the air, I sit down, things start to get a little hazy, I'm passed out. Ahhhh, sure was nice.
3. "Brainwasher" - When I was about 14 or 15 my dad got rid of cable. Now, more than ever, I know why. IT SUCKS YOUR BRAIN OUT. I can't tell you how many times I've looked over, during one of the 20+ movies we've watched, to see my sisters completely zoned in front of the TV. Man, that box is so intriguing sometimes. In fact.....
2. "Bawk, bawk, bawk" - So pretty much, out of the 16 lunch and dinners we've had, 8 of them have consisted of chicken in some shape or form (usually fried). As much as I love chicken, especially with ranch on it, I think it will be a while before I can bring myself to eat it again. Though I can do a pretty good chicken impersonation now.
1. "Beautiful" - Now, I love the beach, emphasis on LOVE, but this time I got to have a new experience. I woke up at 7am, grabbed my Bible and journal, went down to the beach, found me a nice little patch of sand, and watched the sunrise with Jesus. It was such a sweet, precious time. He means so much to me, and He allowed me to see a beautiful part of Him that morning.

Of course, there was much more, and there are pictures to come that go along with some of these stories. Tomorrow we head off to North Carolina to look at some colleges (more traveling, I swear half this trip has been spent in our van, if anyone wants to help me clean it when I get back.....) and then back to Oklahoma just in time for Life Impact. I miss all of you and am looking forward to seeing you at the conference!!! Merry Christmas!

Whew!

2005-12-17T01:54:00.000-06:00

Well.....finals are over. The semester went so well, and if I'm allowed to be pleased, I am. I am SO grateful that Dad gave me the opportunity to go back to school, and in a sense start over. I hope to get some time over the break to reflect over everything that He has brought me through and taught me......while I'm in FLORIDA!! That's right ladies and gentlemen. I am in the great state of Florida, on my way to Disney World to see Tinkerbell fly once more! I don't think I can accurately describe how excited I am. But seriously, it has been an amazing semester. Hard. But good. VERY good. He will never cease to surprise me with how much He takes care of me.
Have a very Merry Christmas everyone! And I will see you in the new year! May He pour out His blessings and grace on you in this special time of year, as we remember the GREATEST gift ever given.

Walking With God

2005-12-15T07:14:00.000-06:00

I have been reading "Well with My Soul" that the Kelseys gave me for Christmas. It is about four stories about four different hymn writers from around the 1700s-1800s. And it has been such an encouragement to read about some men that knew what it was to live by faith. To drop everything they know to be their life, their job, their money, etc. to follow Dad and what He has called them to do. They lived by such a strong, pure faith in a time when they didn't have a lot of the resources we do. What an encouragement!

Christmas list

2005-11-30T22:00:00.000-06:00

As I've gotten older, the idea of Christmas presents don't really hold as much excitement anymore. Well, at least not importance. Every year you get the question "what do you want for Christmas?" My response used to be: CDs, jewelry, clothes, a green flower, etc. And now, "what do I want" becomes more "what do I need". But even when I think of those things, practical things, like a purse, a new pair of tennis shoes, money (which is top of the list), I realize I have a working purse, shoes, etc. So what do I REALLY need? I looked up the definition of need on dictionary.com and it said "a condition or situation in which something is required or wanted." Well, that put me back to square one. Something wanted. So what do I want/need (I'm still not sure which is the better way to look at it)? I want/need direction in my life. I want/need strength to keep going when I don't even know where I'm going or what I am supposed to be doing. I want/need perseverance as I trust Him to be in control of my life. I want/need wisdom to know that the decisions I am making are the right ones. I want/need understanding to help me comprehend and fully live by the incredible gift of mercy and grace. I want/need peace that overwhelms me to thank Him and follow Him all the more as He gives me direction, strength, perseverance, wisdom, and understanding. But those things only come from wanting/needing Daddy! Interesting that every year we get presents to satisfy our wants and needs, but on a day we've dubbed Christmas, the greatest gift was given. That does that VERY thing. HE does satisfy our every want/need.

I'm in a family mood now....

2005-11-28T19:24:00.000-06:00

I found these pictures when I was at home over the break and thought I would share with you the story and history behind them. My family is plagued. Doesn't matter when or where we go, it rains!!! We have had many a camping trips, amusement park visits, mountain hikes go wrong due to the consistent storm that follows us wherever we go. But, the summer of 2004, we made a shocking discovery.
We had decided that summer to go to Branson with another family, the Garrisons, that was good friends of ours. However, shortly before the trip, my mom's lung collapsed and was unable to leave at the scheduled departure time. So, she and my dad stayed behind while us kids went ahead with the Garrisons. Whilst in Branson, we rented some jet skiis and spent an entire day on the lake with complete sunshine. The next day we went to Silver Dollar City; again, sunshine. The following day my parents finally made it out. The next day we traveled back to Silver Dollar City, and it was looking sunny. THEN, after about an hour, the park was closed down due to severe storms coming in. Yes folks its true!!! My parents were the ones that brought in the rain!! Now we know whose fault it's been all these years. Well, the next day, the Garrisons left, but my dad was bound and determined to go out on the lake, as he felt it was his right being on vacation and such. So we rented a pontoon boat and headed out on the lake. After about 30 minutes of toting around, it began storming so badly that it was coming in sideways, piercing our faces and causing my dad great difficulty while driving. All in all, it was a very eventful trip.

This is our families, and if you can see, you'll notice that I am REALLY burnt! From those days of sunshine. I had a lifejacket tanline....

Those four little black dots are me and my sisters swimming in the lake because my dad just HAD to go. And to the right, that's the incredibly enormous storm headed our way!!

Hope you enjoyed storytime with Allison!!

I'm full

2005-11-26T10:53:00.000-06:00

Tuesday was filled with tears and realizations.
Wednesday was filled with joy and laughter.
Thursday was filled with food and relaxation.
Friday was filled with love and beauty.
Saturday was filled with fun and friends.

I'm full!

Pictures

2005-11-24T00:21:00.000-06:00

This is actually from last Christmas or Thanksgiving, I can't remember....

Don't be fooled, my mom had to "make herself look pretty" before I took the pic, they were all actually exhausted.

Sisters!

Here's the pic with the garland on our curtain rod.

My family

2005-11-23T23:44:00.000-06:00

Today started out as a pretty typical day. I slept in, sat around, ate brownies for lunch. And then....it began. Family time. My mom, Mary, and Beth were in the kitchen making dinner (meatloaf, it was SO good), my dad and Emily were playing this game of theirs where they hit a balloon around, and I was playing guitar. Normal enough. Every Thanksgiving break we put up our Christmas decorations and this break should be no different. Now, something you should know about my family. We have a LOT of traditions, and Emily makes sure we follow each one. One such tradition is fighting about whether not it is a "garland" year. My dad LOVES garland, if he could have it his way, he would put blobs of garland all over the tree to where you could see nothing else. My mom on the other hand does not like garland, so they've begun trading off every year. And every year, my dad tries to convince us that it is his year. Anyway, this year actually is his year. So, we began getting the decorations down from the attic. Something else you should know about our tree is that it is 25 years old, and it looks it. All of our ornaments are homemade and.....sad looking really, but they're us! Beth has a ballerina whose head has fallen off, so she hangs both parts, the head and the body. She tries to put them close together in attempt to make it look as one, but to no avail....Emily has one that is a LARGE picture of herself with cheerios and macaroni noodles on the frame that she puts smack dab in the middle of the tree for all to see. (Every year we take it and hide it from her, currently it is in my suitcase) So we get the tree down, and proceed to dinner. At dinner, we've decided to fit the six of us around a 3 feet radius round table, which was very cozy. We covered many topics, but the best was when Emily busted out with her net iconic blah blah blah. It was amazing, I have NEVER seen the girl so excited. She is not one of many emotions, and as she began to talk and demonstrate the acidic metallic barium whatchamacallits, I have never felt so stupid. I felt like she was the teacher in Charlie Brown AND speaking Chinese all at the same time. My mind kept going to...I'm a little teapot short and stout.....Anyway, it was an eventful dinner. Then we proceeded to put up the tree. Always fun. My dad was walking around in his bathing suit and had it pulled up to his chest, which was awkward. So my mom started telling him, Cleve pull them down, please pull them down, and he got this mischievious look on his face, and said, OKAY, and he....well, never mind. Then my dad his Hitler impression, my mom did the twist that looks more like the robot, and we all laughed until we were so tired we could barely move. Here's a pic of the finished product (and if you'll notice up in the top right corner there is a blob of garland hanging from our curtain rod....that was my dad's doing) and us after putting up the tree, it was a long night.

Back in Good Ol' Ponca

2005-11-23T00:45:00.000-06:00

Tonight, for my first night of Thanksgiving break, I went to Panic which is a talent show that my highschool puts on. My sister was in it, and can I just tell you that I think my sister is one of the most beautiful people I've ever known? I was overwhelmed and a little sad at how much she's grown up these last few months. Anyway, the other thing I noticed as I was looking over the program was that I didn't know anyone in the performance. Four years go by and you're completely out of touch with the town and school you were involved with for so long. It was actually fairly awkward. Then, my sisters and I met up with a few friends of ours from our old youth group. We went to their apartment, where they have made a new life and new friends, and I could barely keep from crying in front of all of them. It's amazing how much lives can change from one decision. We were all in the same place. Same youth group, same church, same town, same friends. Then one decision (followed by obviously several other decisions) later, you're in different places, with different people, different goals, different lives. And it hurts a little. I NEVER thought four years ago that I'd be where I am today. And I am SO thankful for it. But, I still ache a little for those friendships I had, for them to be the same. It's funny how, when I'm in Norman, I'm there completely, and when I'm in Ponca, I'm here completely, no matter how different it is. And I think that's what makes it so difficult sometimes. Because it's changed. They've changed. I've changed. By His hand, definitely not my own, I am where I am, and.....I wouldn't want it any differently.

It's more serious than fear of spiders/heights/tight spaces...

2005-11-21T11:10:00.000-06:00

In case some of you were wondering if that fear or complex you have is an actual documented phobia, here is a list that I got in Psychology today that you can look over to check yourself.....

Ablutophobia- fear of washing or bathing
Aerophobia- fear of swallowing air (might cause a problem)
Ambulophobia- fear of walking (thus, these people crawl of jump wherever they go
Anemophobia- fear of wind
Arachibutyrophobia- fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth (nathan presley said this was one of his!)
Aulophobia- fear of flutes
Auroraphobia- fear of Northern Lights
Batophobia- fear of being close to high buildings
Bibliophobia- fear of books
Blennophobia- fear of slime
Bogyphobia- fear of the bogeyman
Cathisophobia- fear of sitting (this could be quite amusing to watch)
Cibophobia- fear of food (not a problem of mine!)
Clinophobia- fear of going to bed (also not a problem I have)
Didaskaleinophobia- fear of school (definitely a problem of mine)
Epistemophobia- fear of knowledge (hm, so do you think these people can handle knowing about their phobia??)
Ergophobia- fear of work (yes!)
Geliophobia- fear of laughter (how could you live??)
Geniophobia- fear of chins (wow.....)
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- fear of long words (possibly my favorite one on here)
Ideophobia- fear of ideas
Lachanophobia- fear of vegetables (this must be a temporary stage that everyone hits between the ages of 4-14)
Neophobia- fear of anything new
Octophobia- fear of the number 8 (eight is my favorite number!)
Ophthalmophobia- fear of opening one's eyes
Panophobia- fear of everything
Peladophobia- fear of bald people (hahaha)
Phobophobia- fear of fear (rough times)
Phronemophobia- fear of thinking (think I could use that in school??)
Pogonophobia- fear of beards
Verbophobia- fear of words

Well, I hope this helps!!

Radiant Light

2005-11-20T14:24:00.000-06:00

"Turn your eyes upon
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim
In the Light of His glory and grace"

"Father, I adore You
Lay my life before You
How I love You"

I was playing my guitar today, and came across some older worship songs that I remember singing at church when I was a kid.
I can barely fathom what looking full in His wonderful face would truly be like, but, I would guess that it would be so much more than wonderful. I would guess that the incredible beauty of it would bring me to tears. But I can see how turning my eyes toward Him, bringing my life before Him, would cause the troubles, worries, or even praises of this world to fade away. It's like when you're looking at something, trying to focus and concentrate on this one thing, and it's distracting you from everything else that is going on around you. And then from behind this "object" there's this bright light coming from behind it, blocking it entirely out, and all you can see is the radiance of this light. (I think of the scene in the second LOTR when it seems as though all hope is lost at the battle of Helm's Deep, and then, Aragorn looks to the east, and there is Gandolf. And as Gandolf comes riding down the hill, the sun is rising, and it's light is spilling over the land as hope is restored. Yeah I really liked that scene.)
And then! And then, He is enough. He IS enough. He is my all in all. He is my treasure.

Humility: the Elusive Virtue

2005-11-09T21:49:00.000-06:00

" I like to learn, but I do not like to be taught. " - Winston Churchill

We've been learning about humility at team this semester, and first of all, I'd like to say that tonight was amazing. I really felt like we have reached the community level (like we talked about at Fusion yesterday), where we can laugh with each other, which we did a lot tonight, where we could be honest with each other, which we did a lot tonight, where we could encourage each other, which, yes that's right, we did a lot tonight. It's amazing how quickly you become family. At the beginning of the semester, I barely knew half of the people on team. And now, 3 months later, we're a family, a team. It's so fun! Anyway, humility/pride....here are some of the things we've hit on at team.

Biblical submission is CHOSEN humility.

We do what we want to do. We make decisions in light of our objectives.

If you clothe yourself with pride, its like smoke. With the first wind, it's blown away and you're left with nothing.

1. Anything can become pride.
2. Pride is never more than just a few inches away.
3. Pride is generallly invisible to those in its grip.

Pride detectors:
1. spotty prayer life
2. worn out all the time
3. always angry
4. critical spirit
5. defensive to criticism, despondency to failure, inability to laugh at mistakes
6. taking responsibility for success, accomplishment
7. impatience: having to listen, or not listening, waiting, serving, being anonymous, over developed sense of importance

OUCH. Man, intense stuff. But SO good!!!!

Update for the weekend....

2005-11-07T23:58:00.000-06:00

Friday:
- after getting off work, I went to the first part of John Hawkin's leadership retreat, which was awesome!
- went for a drive and had a sweet moment looking at the stars, if it hadn't been such a creepy dark road, I probably would've tried to stay longer
- stayed up for a while chattin with the roomies and fellas next door, laughing over "would you rathers"

Saturday:
- went in the early morn to the second part of Hawkin's retreat, also equally as awesome! we broke up into small groups and talked about how easy it is for attitudes to get in the way
- left quickly afterward and went to the Natural History Museum with Sarah, and learned about evolution
- whilst at the museum, I got to talk to one of the guys that worked there about evolution vs. creation, he was a really sweet old man!
- my sisters and I left after that to go to Dallas to meet up with my parents, they are thinking about moving there and wanted to go check out a church and look at some neighborhoods
- we listened to WOW 1998 and it was.....well, there are no words.....we also listened to Kelly Clarkson (of course) and talked about my sister's potential prom date
- met up with my parents, went to dinner, checked into the hotel, and had "together time" in the hotel, my dad is nuts

Sunday:
- went to church, which I liked a lot, but it's Calvinist, apparently my dad has become a devoted Calvinist, which....I'm not sure how I feel about yet
- had dinner with some old family friends of ours, the Fletchers, in Highland Park, NICE place, awkward lunch
- drove back, had "together time" again at every gas station, wrote my Spanish paper, blah blah blah
- went to Wal-Mart, stayed up late writing a paper, started to feel really sick, so I took some tylenol PM before I went to bed at 2:30 AM, and tried to wake up at 7, NOT a good idea

Monday:
- class, work
- Fall Program for the Preschool, SOOOOOOOO fun! We had a potluck dinner, and I ate a TON! I almost cried about 5 times during the program, the kids were so cute
- AND THEN......I wrote my first song! Well, Jenny and I did. It's so exciting! It's based on Psalm 31

Anyway, this is a lame post, but I thought I'd share. Soon I will have a picture post.....whenever I can figure out how to work this thing.....

Drivin'

2005-11-04T23:26:00.000-06:00

Nothing compares to
Life I have in You
Nothing of this world satisfies
So, I want to let go
I want to let You know
All that I have to give is Yours

Here I am
As gold to the fire
I will surrender to Your hand
To this place,
I have come ready for Your touch

It's all for You
It's all for You
I'm letting go
I'm letting go

What is it in me
That hangs on for so long
Why do I fight the tears that come?
I work so hard to
Keep in control when
All that I want is to let go

I'll take this life
And lay it down
I'm letting go
I'm letting go
My hopes and dreams
Here at Your feet
I'm letting go
I'm letting go

And I am ready for Your life
And I am ready for You now
-- "All for You" by Starfield

I went for a drive tonight. Found a dark country road. Parked it. I could see the Little Dipper and Venus. It was seriously amazing.

Meet Joe Black

2005-10-31T10:59:00.000-06:00

Faithful, You are faithful
I have found nothing but good in your heart.
Loving, You are loving
I am in love with the way that you are.
Thankful, I am thankful
I have been running away on my own.
Now that you found me
Oh how you love me
Know that you'll never leave, leave me alone.

I watched Meet Joe Black a few days ago and a scene between Quince and Joe really stuck out to me. Here's the dialogue...

Joe: I find myself a little confused.
Quince: About what?
Joe: Love.
Joe: Do you love Allison?
Quince: Yes, very much.
Joe: How did you meet?
Quince: Well, I was this world class loser and she was this happy little rich girl and for some reason....she took me in.
Joe: But Allison loves you?
Quince: Yes.
Joe: How do you know?
Quince: Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay.
Joe: What is it?
Quince: No it's not one thing, it's just an idea, Joe. It's like, you know each others secrets, your deepest, darkest secrets, and then...you're free.
Joe: Free?
Quince: You're free! Free to love each other completely, totally, no fear. There's nothing you don't about each other and it's okay.

He has all the power, all the honor, all the glory, and He chose me. He chose me, in my wretched, sinful self. He sees the deepest darkest corners of my heart. He knows my secrets, my desires and selfish wants. And it's okay. And then....you're free!! I kinda see this part as having a huge weight lifted up off of you that you actually feel like you're lifting off the ground. (Has anyone ever experienced that, or is it just me....) You're free to love without fear. As a Dad who knows all and still chooses to love me unconditionally, I don't have to be afraid that He will ever leave me! Is that not exciting????

Our Heritage

2005-10-30T17:26:00.000-06:00

Saturday we were supposed to have an extra early morning practice for worship team. Most of us went over to Danny Wasilewski's for breakfast. He made us french toast and it was a really great time of fellowship and growing closer together as a team. I am beginning to really love these people that I get to worship and work with after seeing their hearts. It is so fun!! Anyway, we got to the BSU about 9 and found that we were not the only ones there. There was a group of about 50 elderly people about to have some sort of a meeting. So we met in the office, and decided to not have practice and go on home. As I was walking out of the office, I started talking to one of the elderly men and he told me that they were all BSU alums from about 1947-1955. WOW! They began to gather in the noon-day room, so Preston and I sat in the back to listen. As they began to sing, I couldn't help but to start crying. It was so overwhelming to listen as these believers that have been friends for 50 years sing songs. The SAME Man that I sang to today! As they continued to sing, a man named Allen Morain came back to talk to us. He began to tell us that these were all people who came to the BSU when they were in school everyday for what they called noonday. They would come, eat lunch, sing, and have a GREAT time of fellowship. He told us that there were people from all aspects of life there: doctors, architects, pastors, people from Norway, etc, and that they had started coming together once a year as a sort of reunion. When he finished talking to us, they read off a list of people who had died within the last year. Thankfully, I didn't hear much of that part, or I would have LOST IT, if you know me. We had to leave shortly after that, but I was completely overwhelmed by the whole experience. First of all, I LOVE old people. I just want to sit and listen to their stories all day long. Second of all, these weren't just old people. They were people that had gone before us, that had set the groundwork for us, that were supporting us now; they are a part of my family!

A blessing from above....literally

2005-10-28T10:23:00.000-05:00

So today, I woke up at 7:40, a little later than usual which put me in a bit of a rush and then I hurried off to Spanish, did a review for my test on Monday, and then went to Psychology and learned about gender roles and all that goes along with that, and then I went to the library to spend a little time with Dad and study for Spanish, and then I went to work where we had 15 kids, lots of dirty diapers, doing the Superman for Madison, letting Josiah sit on my face, and cleaning, cleaning cleaning, and then I came home to a very crowded home as we prepare for our haunted house tomorrow night, and then I went to get the mail and I stopped. Not 10 steps out my door I'm stopped in my tracks. I haven't seen a sunset in a while I don't think, just too busy. But there it was and I can't tell you how much it blessed me. I got up on my car and watched it for a while, just sitting in Dad's beauty, that most of the time, I don't see. Thinking back on my day, it went much like the previous run-on sentence. Where was my Daddy? He was in Courtney's smile on the way to class. He was in the verse that I found when I was reviewing some of my journal from the past few months. He was in my kids hugs, in their laughs. He was in the sunset. He is in me, with me all day even in the busyness of it. HOW COOL IS THAT?? He fills my day with blessings that sometimes, I really have to stop and think about to find. But He's there. And that puts the biggest smile on my face. And I have a big smile.

Pain is Beauty...

2005-10-26T21:42:00.000-05:00

The word I really want to focus on here is "workmanship" literally translated poema or "poem." We are His POEM, His masterpiece, His artwork. Created in Him, to bring glory to Him, to look like Him in His majesty, in His incredible beauty.

I was told an illustration a few days ago that went something like this. If you were an artist, say a carpenter that specialized in....rocking chairs (little Patriot there for ya). You are intricate, precise. You don't miss anything and don't let any flaw go without a little chisel or sanding. Where do you start? So you've got three parts to this: the wood- Dad's kingdom, the nail- me/you, and the hammer- life's circumstances. You take the wood and starting hammering the nail into it (I'm not sure you actually use nails when making a chair but go with me here). When the hammer, things in this life, whether from Dad or not, start pounding harder and harder on you into the wood, what does the nail do? It may try to wiggle or run. It may try to curve and go in crooked. It may try to resist. OR it could sit there, withstanding immense pain (assuming nails could feel), waiting for the finished product. Sure it is tiring and painful, and it would be easy to give up and say, no thanks, I don't want to do this anymore. And really, that's okay. Being tired and frustrated are feelings that don't have to be ignored. Wanting to quit IS an option that is not unusual. But I guess the BIG question here is, WILL YOU? Will I? Will I say, "thanks Dad but I really can't do this anymore, don't work on my heart anymore, it just hurts TOO much"? Or will I say, "Dad, I am tired, I hurt, I want to give up, BUT Dad take me through the refining fire so I may come forth as GOLD. Break me, so that I may be built up in a more beautiful image that is just a GLIMPSE of who you are! Give me strength as I persevere on this journey so that I may continue to bring glory to your name."

AND THEN....and then, the finished product is magnificent in its beauty. THAT's why it's worth it.

"On the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving you
To know you in your power and pain

Father come to me
Hold me up
'Cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short
I can't reach out my hand

And my heart is set on the pilgrimage
To heaven's own bright King
So in faltery or victory
I will always sing

You're my portion in this life
You're my strength now in my fight
And to you I pledge my heart
In the pain and dimmer dark
I LOVE YOU"
--"On the Road to Beautiful" by Charlie Hall

Chalk one up for God!

2005-10-24T11:44:00.000-05:00

You are so good to me
You heal my broken heart
You are my Father in heaven
You are beautiful my sweet sweet song

I just had to give a quick shoutout to my Dad!! I have been so encouraged today. As some of you know, my sophomore year, I flunked out of school. Pretty much that was the worst year of my life and in the midst of it couldn't see how any of it was going to get better. WELL, not only am I back in school going strong, and actually halfway enjoying it, HE IS SO FAITHFUL!!!! I have had a few girls come up to me in the past few weeks and ask me specifically about it because they are going through the exact same thing. AH! I mean talk about intimidating, but how stinkin' awesome is that?! It's not about me, AT ALL. It's about Him, and how He turned my life around, and how even though that was such a painful, ugly time in my life, He worked it out for good, so that now I can use the situation to minister to other girls who are going through the same thing! I am shaking right now! He is so good, SO good, I can barely handle it. But that's cool too, because I can't handle it, and it never ceases to surprise me!! HE never ceases to surprise me.

A request

2005-10-24T00:25:00.000-05:00

I've had a request for a post. Tonight, I spent a little time with my dear friend Stefanie and got to share a little about my past. A few past experiences from sophomore year. In particular, an experience that involved...a beta and a shark. The story goes as follows....

My roommates and I decided to get fish my sophomore year. So, I got a normal fish (can't remember the kind), Rachel got a shark, and Beth got two betas. Rachel and I put our fish in the same tank and Beth put her betas in another tank that had a divider down the middle. Well...pretty early on, my fish died. I'm convinced that Rachel's shark ate all of my fish's food and caused it to die of starvation, rather than from neglect. But I digress....One weekend, Beth went home and requested that we feed her fish. So after a football game one afternoon, I went to feed her fish, noticing that the lid was not completely covering the top, and found that one of the betas was not in it's tank. No, no it was on the table. All dried and crusted with no fins left. I proceeded to scream and run around not knowing what to do. I am convinced to this day that that poor beta was trying to jump into the other side of the tank with the intent on attacking the other beta. SO, now we have a beta and a shark. As time passed, the remaining beta started to get a little sick, and its belly started swelling up so much that you could see through it. Ugh, so gross. Anyway, we figured that it was going to die anyway, so we decided to have a bit of fun. We started advertising and getting the word out...."FISH FIGHT: Shark v. Beta- who will win??" It was really a big deal. We even had goldfish as a snack for our guests. Prior to the fight, we didn't give the shark any food for a few days, just to get him good and hungry. The night came. Who would make it to the end? We had about 15 guests, all crowded around one tank, waiting as the beta was lowered in, watching in anticipation....And the shark began to chase the beta around the tank, the poor little beta swimming to save his life, it was looking like....no, just kidding, that's not true...we put the beta in and the stupid fish just sat there. LAME! HAHAHA, you read all that for nothing!
But look in coming times for another duel, Stefanie and I are going to attempt this again, only with two betas, and better tactics. Here's a bit of our conversation about it tonight:

Me: what color do you want yours to be??
Stef: I'll take purple
Me: Oh, those aren't very pretty...
Stef: Mine can be the one that dies, that's okay, I'm heartless.

That was a ridiculously long post....

A Blind Trust

2005-10-21T09:40:00.000-05:00

If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see You
If I could rewind, I’d take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt You

I don’t know if I’ll ever know exactly how much that I hurt You
Knowing that hurts me everyday
If I could rewind, I would take it away
And not make You wait, and I won’t walk away

I wanna take back all those lies
I wanna take back all those times
I wanna show You with my life that I’m here for You
-- part of "Rewind" by Pillar

It breaks my heart to think about how I have hurt Him. He waits patiently in my folly, and then NEVER fails to pick me up when I have fallen because of that very folly. He gives selflessly while I take selfishly. He loves unconditionally as a commitment while I love conditionally as an emotionally. He serves wholeheartedly while I serve reluctantly. He puts the needs of others first while I am too blinded by my own to even SEE the needs of others. What an incredible Man we serve!!

Lord, mold my character into yours. Help me to see where I have been keeping things to myself and not completely surrendering them to you. Thank you that you are all the things I am not or ever could be by my own strength. But by your grace I am. I am because You are.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known; along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." -- Isaiah 42:16

A little history

2005-10-20T12:32:00.000-05:00

I stole this from other people's blog....

TEN YEARS AGO I.... was in the 6th grade at Woodlands Elementary doing really cool things like library aid, in like three clubs for nerdy kids, and helping Blake Newton with his math because I thought he was OH SO CUTE!

FIVE YEARS AGO I.... a junior in high school, waving my flag in colorguard, marching in the Inagural Parade, singing in the choir, got my first boyfriend.....

ONE YEAR AGO I.... was not in school, working fulltime, and trying to figure out what in the heck I was doing and how I was going to get myself out of the rut I had put myself in. I was learning a lot of really hard things without really knowing how to handle them. Lots of really painful conversations, trying to figure out where He was trying to take me, and resisting Him a lot of times.

YESTERDAY I.... was rejoicing after improving tremendously on my test scores, laughing with my kids at work, crying over difficult situations He has me in, praying with my roommate to a God who amazes me daily, and continuing on in this journey called life.

FIVE SNACKS I ENJOY:
- twizzlers
- Jenny's chocolate chip cookies
- my mom's homemade bread
- marshmallow matey's
- graham crackers with butter on them

FIVE BAD HABITS:
- not making my bed
- hitting the snooze button for an hour
- borrowing something and keeping it for....much longer than a day
- putting my dishes in the sink (sorry Amy!)
- not returning phonecalls or messages

FIVE BIGGEST JOYS:
- being molded by Him (even when it hurts!)
- going to the beach
- laughing until it hurts
- singing
- being with my family (I know I don't say it, but it's true)

FIVE THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR AGAIN:
- big baggy shirts
- big pink plastic glasses
- stirrup pants
- blue eyeshadow
- socks up to my knees

FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS:
- WHEEL OF FORTUNE!
- Boy Meets World
- The Cosby Show
- um....i think thats it...
- my family really likes watching the Andy Griffith Show

FIVE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I WOULD DATE:
- Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice
- Eric from The Little Mermaid
- Aladdin
- that's all i can think of

SEVEN PEOPLE I TAG:
-just do it if you want to, I actually had fun and am not embarrassed! Sorry its so long though!

Help

2005-10-20T00:35:00.000-05:00

P.S. Somebody is going to have to help me work this thing!

I caved....

2005-10-19T23:53:00.000-05:00

I have entered the blogging world. I resisted as long as I could, but alas, I have caved. So, now as I come to the first obstacle in this crazy thing called blogging, I am wondering what in all of green goodness I am going to post about. But I guess that's just it, isn't it? ALL of His green goodness, (though it is beginning to turn a bit brown as winter is shortly upon us) His GOODNESS surrounds me. Whether I look to my left or to my right, He is there, blessing me with things at times I don't even recognize. Today, it was the hugs from my kids that have captured so much of my heart, and three very encouraging conversations I had within 3 hours of each other, that couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you for your encouragement!!